I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
