i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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