Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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