whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
