He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
