It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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