some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
