I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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