didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
