the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
