Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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