once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
