It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
