Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize