I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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