And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
