Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
