I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
