thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
