he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
