when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
