He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
