So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
