My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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