is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
