The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like a drive thru vagina
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
