i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
