Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
