Plan B is the new Plan A
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
