Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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