hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
