Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize