i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I intend to get homeless drunk
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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