so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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