its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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