If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
