are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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