I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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