Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
