Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize