Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
