I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
