it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
