look no pants
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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