Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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