My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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