I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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