I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
