I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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