i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
