so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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