I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got inside last night via doggy door
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
