I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
