as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
