last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
