my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
