my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
