3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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