There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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