A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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