I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
