Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
