i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
