its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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