I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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