Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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