Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
