I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
